Messy Happy Life

Throughout all the rest of my life, I never would have imagined that I would feel so thankful for this 60th decade of my life here on earth as I am feeling. For me, this 60th decade is the most wonderful and beautiful that I think my Soul has experienced here far. So many wonderful and important times and events in life that have passed, and do still live in my Heart, but something that feels to be of such importance to/in my Being is happening now.

I saw the words, “Pieces of me” attached to an art piece today that sparked something in me. Right after writing my Morning Pages this little doodle of an expression came very naturally and I could feel it as being very real within me. It’s just on binder paper and I glued it into my mixed media journal because it feels very important and alive to me and I want to be able to create around it and see if anything else wants to be added.

Some of the words on it are:

Pieces of Me
….all one….all held
The way I see what I have lived so far. Many of the pieces have been drawn back in, back to my Heart now.

I feel so fantasic right now! I can just feel Life pulsing through me at this moment. It feels so great to feel that alive.

I wanted to share some thoughts with you, something I was thinking about a few minutes ago, and really feeling the reality of this for me. Have you ever thought to yourself, or felt the truth of this within you?

Everything in our lives is about our relationship with ourselves.

That’s what I was realizing in a very real way within as I was aware of how good I’ve been feeling and how much more aware I am of the Energy of Life itself within my being and all around me. Actually, I was “doing what I do” when this started coming to me today….creative play in my Cosmic Smashbook, which is, put kind-of-simply, a type of art journal I’ve created for myself that is created in such a way that truly energetically supports the intention behind it, freeing myself to explore, play, just BE…in whatever that state may be at the time, and to freely express there in what becomes a magical book to me. It’s just for me, for no one else gets to see it (unless I choose to share). There are no rules in using it. It is a space to “work” and play in a spirit and energy of total freedom, total possibility. And working this way and playing this way has been changing my life.

Describing it and explaining it is one thing, but EXPERIENCING it is totally another thing! That is because it is totally about presence and process. It’s not even really about art, it’s the level of presence with yourself that you’re able to experience in working this way and your presence during the process of what is happening and that you are being “taken through.” Often I start out not having any idea of what I’m even going to do, and it is so amazing what comes out of my time with this and what I have experienced within myself, which is REAL. This is energetically happening within you as you are experiencing doing it on the page. Energy is shifting, for real! Ok…..back to what I was saying before….

What led me to talking about that above is that this is a big part of the way I have gotten to this place where I am right now, this moment, where I feel so good and am so much more in tune with myself, with the magnificence and amazing miracle of my Being (of the Beings we all are), and with my connection with all of Life. AND, what I am realizing and know about that, is it is because as healing and transformation has occurred in my life, in my self, because of the work I’ve been doing, there is more …… ready? …… SPACE!

Yes, there is more space for new, pure energy and more Life to come in and be a part of my very Being. Wow. I have a knowing that that is what has been happening. Sometimes it feels like everything is different now.

The time that I have been spending being present with and for myself in a very real way, is creating more and more space for New Life within me! And this is happening as I am “working” on my relationship with myself. Because that is what is really happening in this type of work. We are working with the Energy of our own Being.

I feel so happy and so extemely thankful for all of my life and all that has led up to where I am right now. …. Oh yes, this site is called Messy Happy Life. I don’t deny there’s plenty of messy stuff, but this happens to be the Happy and it is making a huge difference in this Life that I am living every day.

The photo of my book at the top is a page I did spending time being fully present with myself and deeply experiencing, and realizing that time and experience as a gift to myself. ❤ That was the moment I realized how important it was to me to share this possibility with others as something they might find helpful and healing for themselves.

The secret word of the day is …. GRATITUDE. Why is it a “secret” word? Well, just because I wanted to say it was, and to use the word “secret”. All my life I’ve loved the feeling of the words “secret” and “magical.” Something about them that truly does feel magical.

So, about gratitude….here’s something you can do today to experience more gratitude as you express it. This can help to bring our whole Being into the energy/vibration of gratitude. And even if it ends up being for just a few minutes, it matters! I like to say “it counts”.

Get a piece of paper or journal to write in/on. Write down 10 things that you feel thankful for right now. Or you could say, 10 things to give thanks for. Anything that comes to you, just write it down, and as you do, feel your thankfulness for it. With some things you may notice that you feel more of the feeling of thankfulness than with others. Those are quite powerful because they really bring up more of the energy of gratifude, where you can really get more of a sense of what it FEELS like to experience it in your body. Those “more feeling” ones also can really stir up more of that energy within you, where you may find the the ones that you write down after them also have more feeling to them. Like activating that very energy within you! Yes! That is how I sometimes experience it. Don’t worry if you don’t feel anything deeply or in a strong way, just do it anyway. It counts! (If we do it again and continue to just do it, more feeling will come and more connection to that very real energy of gratitude. So no worries, just relax with it.)

After you’ve written down 10 things you’re thankful for, go back through the list and one by one read them and as you do allow yourself to feel into them whatever is coming for you, and say “thank you” either in your mind or out loud. You may want to place your hand over your heart as you do this part, inviting connection to your heart and to the core of who you are. I have definitely noticed a difference in the feeling-level of some of them when I do this. I’m able to connect more deeply in that way sometimes. Spend as much time with this part as you want to, whatever feels right for you and good to you at that time. Really try to think of this part as “being with” the gratitude you’re feeling. And remember to say Thank You for each one you read. Again, I have to say, the more time you spend staying in this feeling-place of gratitude, the better. So if you have some time, try not to rush.

When I feel complete with that, what I’ve been doing is adding a bit of color over what I’ve written. I still want to be able to see the writing for now, so I write with a fine tip black permanent marker and then just put a wash of some pretty watercolor over it, and I enjoy seeing what color calls to me for that day, what feels good to me right then. The writing doesn’t smear if I’ve used a permanent marker (Sharpie) to write with. As I’m gently brushing a pleasing color of watercolor over it, it adds to the experience for me. It feels really good and like it’s further activating the gratitude. Today I thought to myself that it felt somehow like spreading love as I was enjoying seeing the color wash over it gently.

So this is the way I’ve started doing it and would like to continue doing it as a practice. I’m believing more and more that gratitude can make a huge difference in life, and I’ve begun to really experience the beauty of feeling this. I’ve also found that if I feel inclined to sit a little longer after doing this with my eyes closed, I’m already in a very calm place and experiencing what I woud call a higher frequency of vibration (of love!) and it’s a perfect time to extend it into a little meditation time. You know how sometimes when you try to just sit and calm your mind with your eyes closed, your mind wants to keep going? Yesterday when I tried just to sit like that for 15 minutes, for the first 10 minutes of that time I was aware of my mind feeling like…as if it were saying to me…”We should be doing something! We should be planning!”….. like it didn’t want to calm down, as if “we” were wasting time. Wow, I was experiencing that and I am a pretty calm, low-key kind of person by nature. The reason why I mention this is that, by contrast, today after this gratitude practice I’ve talked about above, when I decided to sit a litte longer with my eyes closed, I was able to flow right into it, with my mind already starting out calm and quiet. So it’s a great time for it if you have the time.

If you’d like to share any thoughts or comments, feel free.

I am in a place of loving the self expression, creativity, and sense of freedom that I am experiencing right now in my life. I can feel that much is happening within. I see the wonderful ways that so many others are sharing and focusing their gifts on particular areas and life issues that they feel led to bring healing to, for themselves and others.

Through the deep inner-healing work I have personally been doing for myself the last year and a half, using the very methods that I am offering on my website, I have definitely experienced some deep transformation that I am so thankful for. I long to move forward, as I continue exploring and healing for myself, to sharing with others and offering tender presence, love, the potential of new possibilities and healing. And at the same time, I’m feeling like I don’t quite know where I “fit” yet.

What is the one area that I would really like to help other people with, that is so important to me in life and that I am being led to share with people? I’m not sure what that is yet. I am seeing and listening to people who are all doing such wonderful healing work in the area they have been called to, or led to. I am feeling, now, that I am at the beginning of this new path….the path of following my own heart, soul and spirit, above anything else. I have been led here and that is the path I want to be on more than anything else. Things take time, happen and develop in their own divine timing. I have no doubt that energy is moving and wonderful things are happening within me, and the reason is because I have chosen to open to it and to be engaged in it. I can feel it.

I am not sure what exactly is mine to do yet. But I do know that I am being led and that I have a heart that is urging me to share what is inspiring me all the time. I have felt like, “well, but first I have to have a place to “focus” that, a plan for where it’s going and goals around it.” But that is not where I am at this moment, and I’m now feeling like that’s ok. What if I do go ahead and share these things that come to me in moments of great inspiration when it feels like I’m being shown or told something that is not coming from my mind, but from somewhere deep within…or from somewhere in the cosmos? I just know it’s not something that I “thought up”. It came to me from somewhere else and in a different way. I feel the nudge. The excitement and the urge to share it. But then I think, I’m not ready yet. Everythings not in place yet. I need more clarity.

Today I am choosing to accept that maybe this is right where I’m supposed to be and is what is mine to share. I have decided that when I feel these nudges to share something, whatever it may be, I will do it, in my own words, in my own way, and I will try my very best to accept that I have done it “well enough/good enough”. I am aware that that is something working in me right now, being “enough” as I am, and that is all part of my journey. I also am reminding myself that in the spiritual realm things don’t usually work the same as they do here ….. everything can be used. Anyone and everything can be used for a divine purpose, and in ways that we don’t even know about or wouldn’t be able to understand.

This came to me this morning and I wrote it down:

You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t have to be smart.

You don’t have to be talented.

You don’t have to have any grand plan.

You don’t have to go at a pace that doesn’t feel right to you.

You don’t have to speak eloquently.

You don’t have to have it all together.

All you have to do is be you.

Being you, authentically you, is all that is needed to bring healing to yourself, and subsequently, to bring healing to others.

I’m enjoying listening to a Mockingbird in my yard so much. It’s going through it’s repertoire right now as I’m typing this. It makes me feel so good to hear it and gives me a sense of well-being. Like all is right with the world while it’s singing ….. and that’s a bold statement to make right now in this world.  It visits almost daily and I miss it if I don’t hear it for a day or two. I actually wasn’t familiar with what a Mockingbird was until I recently did a search online to try to identify what bird might be singing so beautifully in the yard every day. I just assumed Mockingbirds, from the name given to them, wouldn’t be very pleasant-sounding birds having “mock” in there. Without ever really thinking about it, I just assumed it may only make annoying sounds. I’m so pleased to have this visitor to my yard. What a huge difference a little visitor like that can make in someone’s day and someone’s life if they delight in it like I do.

Since my sister passed away five months ago, I am experiencing something today that I hadn’t really expected to feel. I do so miss being able to see her, laugh with her and talk about life. But I was thinking today that I still feel more like I have her with me than I thought I would. Her presence was so loving and heartfelt to me, maybe that’s why I can still feel as if she’s with me in some wonderful way.                                     

While we still have our loved ones here with us, it can be so nice and satisfying spending time with them and being “in the moment” with them. There is nothing like that. Just a thought — once that present moment passes and time moves on, what are we left with? We are left with the memory of that moment and that experience. Even while the person is still here in this world, that moment has passed. If it was meaningful to us and we felt a connection with that person, it seems there’s something more that we take with us from it, and are able to keep alive within us. 

While my sister was here, her presence touched me at the spirit level in such a meaningful, comforting, fun and delightful way. It has only been five months since she left, and I will always miss her, but it has occurred to me that in a way I can still feel her, hear her, and sense her more than I had imagined I’d be able to. Not like a crazy person :-), but by being able to imagine her presence and the aliveness of her spirit even “in the moments” now, as I’m doing things and sense our connectedness. What she shared with me, the time we shared together, is a part of me. 

I feel such thankfulness and joy as I realize this. I’m so thankful for her life here, for all she managed to live through, how she taught others so much by the way she lived her life and by her openness in sharing all she learned along the way, I’m thankful for the way she gave me an example of how you can live this life and still find joy in it. She also showed me by her life that pain is real. It is a part of life and it is not something that you have to pretend doesn’t exist. I saw how in such a real way she acknowledged pain, both in herself and in this world, and acknowledged beauty, joy and love just as much. Both exist. Both are part of our human experience. 

Yes, her physical body is gone from this world, and I will always miss being able to be with her in that way while here on this earth, seeing her right before my eyes in the present moment and interacting with her fresh perspectives. But I am left with the gift of her spirit which she lovingly shared with me. She planted seeds of love, hope, belief in myself within me that will continue to grow as I continue to nurture them. Her presence was healing to me. Her love touched my heart and soul starting at a young age and into adulthood. That is not something that goes away. That is something that holds life and continues to grow. It is alive deep within me, still helping me, healing me, and showing me the joy in life. And it is infused with her love and her presence.